Here are 60 funny, clever, and oh-so-smart one-liners that are perfect for any occasion. Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. Only a genius can say these four words out loud four times without stuttering: My wife used to love being called my trophy wife. And then everything crashed. My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. All I did was take a day off. What's the worst thing that could happen? One liner tags: alcohol, life, marriage. I said, “No, wait! But one-liners don’t have to bring the cringe, some of them are smart, ... It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs — they’re always taking things literally. Where there’s a will, there’s a relative. Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. Really funny one liner joke. Commit them to memory, and you'll have your friends laughing so hard they won't even remember why the conversation had lagged in the first place.. Then vote for your favorite one at the page end. I’m great at multitasking. I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns, We use cookies for analytics, advertising and to improve user experience. I was screwing my secretary up the butt when my wife walked in. Funny one liners. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. You’re not fat, you’re just… easier to see. If you want more, check out these other jokes. On the internet, you can find plenty of puns, capable of amusing, but also to try to understand the joke behind it. We hope these short jokes and puns make you laugh. Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families, and careers. I had this crazy dream where I was virtually weightless, "Yesterday my wife ran off with my best friend.". I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. Funny puns one liners. A: Guardians of the Galaxy. At every party there are two kinds of people: those who want to go home and those who don’t. Congratulations, you are now a genius. Laugh all your worries away with these funny one liner jokes. Or maybe it all started in the Middle Ages when, by a long shot, the Trebuchet was the most powerful weapon? You agree by closing this box or continuing to use our site. Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? One can only imagine where the roots of puns are hidden. I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy. If I won a million dollars, I'd give a quarter of it to charity. This is my step ladder. When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90 % of their body… men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. To return Click Here. 83.02 % / 2607 votes. Or perhaps it was the era of the Renaissance when people just couldn't Handel the music of Handel? Why did the blonde give up online shopping? The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Good One Liner Puns. If a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it.. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. Husband: Who do you like better, a smart guy or a handsome guy? One liner tags: car, christian. If everything goes wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse. 83.03 % / 3301 votes. My dogs don't even own bikes... Don't trust atoms, they make up everything. Enjoy. Just saw a burglar kicking his own door in. by Team Scary Mommy. Relax, we've got your back. What is worse than ants in your pants? There are no answers as to when … October 7, 2019 Updated October 8, 2020. I never knew my real ladder. Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. Here are funny one liner jokes and puns. My editor told me he didn’t like my citation formatting. I can change.”. As I taped a piranha to my boomerang, I thought. "Guess who I bumped into on my way to the optometrist.". Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. To find out more see our. I’m not fat, I’m just on the wrong planet. 9. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. The 42 Bible Puns You've Been Praying For. One liner tags: communication, doctor, puns 82.99 % / 2675 votes. You know why women's eyes are so noticeable these days? ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. 115 One-Liner Jokes As Punny As They Are Funny. share My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea … does that mean that one enjoys it? An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a Dutchman are all on a zoom call. I gave him a glass of water. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Was it The First Humans who mistakenly called the Sabertooth tiger a Lightsabertooth tiger? Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers. About a month before he died, my uncle had his back covered in lard. Do you know a funny one liner? After that, he went down hill fast. Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed. Only a genius can say these four words out loud four times without stuttering: Eye, Yam, Stew, Peed. I just flew in from Chernobyl... And boy my arms are legs. Dirty Bastards. My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time. An Optimist and Pessimist wall into a bar. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I don’t have a girlfriend, but I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. I got booed off stage on open mic night because of my terrible Schwarzenegger impersonation but I'm not gonna let that get to me.... What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? Our good one liner puns are a wonderful source of excellent mood. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Congratulations, you are now a genius. Enjoy them! Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing. A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. She ran away from the ball. If we analyze a day in our lives, you will realize that puns are arranged in one form or another, but also for different purposes, are always used around us. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All funny one liners, including short jokes, clever one liners, witty one liners, corny one liners and dirty one liners.
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