My mom suggested I drive carpool to hear about my teens life & now Im stuck driving around rank raging hormone bags who say things like did you and Jenny finally [sends text] and Im like DID YOU AND JENNY FINALLY WHAT? It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Part of HuffPost Relationships. Sign up to follow me here! Spring Break is imminent, and there's nothing you can do about it. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Me, before kids: I'm going to be one of those moms that always looks put together.Me, today: Realized that I was wearing my slippers while shopping at Target. Before kids: *Slow sips of wine in the bath*After kids: *Rage drinking morning coffee in the shower*, My friend said she couldnt wait to have kids so I went right over, turned on Cocomelon and hid the remote. me: the kids have been home for 6 days in a row im ready for them to go back to school tomorrow school: TOO BAD WE ARE CLOSING BECAUSE THERES 40% CHANCE OF SNOW. 09:21 AM - 29 Apr. I dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy. 8: Hold that grape while I cut it.6: Ok! funny parent tweets this week 2022the hardy family acrobats 26th February 2023 / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by / in was forest whitaker in batteries not included / by my 7yo: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still alive? handing in my dad card. 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97 outside. Wait, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny? Feels like the solution is to leave her in the woods. he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". Janene #1 You better believe it You really showed that glass! I got mad. Enjoy. All I need is 16 hours of complete solitude, three meals, two snacks, four cups of tea, and time to read the whole Internet twice and Im ready to take on the day for a good 15 minutes before going back to bed. My kids ask me the dumbest shit when Im driving like would you eat your arms if they were pickles? I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this Safeway. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. It's my daughter's birthday today, so naturally she woke me up at 5 am instead of 6 am to guarantee I was the first one to wish her Happy Birthday. Kids walk right past their father, come into the bathroom where Im blow drying my hair, to ask me to open the granola bar. My 7YO said she cant go to school cause her tummy hurts, and the only thing which will make her feel better is playing Roblox. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 10-16) "'I better not shout, I better not cry,' I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time." By Caroline Bologna Dec 16, 2022, 02:44 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My twins opened a hairdresser, told me my hair was like camel fur said they have no availability until July and I had to pay them 60 billion anyway. Grandparents are the ultimate hype people. And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets! Me: You mean red light, green light. Like exhaustation. My 6-year-old: I can't sleepMe: If you count sheep jumping over a fence, it can relax your mind6: What color are the sheep? 1. My pregnant wife asked for an Oreo so I brought her a single Oreo. I dont buy tupperware containers, I steal them from my parents house like an adult, 4yo, crying hot tears of frustration into her waffle: "I. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. Or, if you're not in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny relationship. Kids are terrifying. My toilet is smoking. I didnt listen. I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. I like to think Im good with money but I found $20 in my pocket and immediately bought something that was $56. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? 7YO: Can I get a snack?Me: Are you feeling hungry?7YO: You dont need to be hungry to eat a cookie! The sun is shining. How do I get my child to stop playing with my belly fat in public? My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. WANT. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! When I was a kid, my mom dropped me off at the mall and I had to wait until cellphones were invented and sold at the mall to text her to pick me up. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. My son has a shirt that says, "my dad . Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Tried to help my 9yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat. 1. V punk obviously but otherwise, truly fucked me up. When I pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Have a good weekend everybody! 5 min read. My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. Jun 24, 2022, 09:46 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! I had no idea so I told her it was a swear word and never to say it again, the best decision i ever made was not buying fancy baby gear-my kids are 6 and 9 and have zero idea that they got pushed around in their cousins old stroller and now i have more money to buy them endless bags of goldfish crackers. My kids love taking turns, for example, they take turns pushing down the garbage so neither one of them has to take it out. Mom A at the park: We allow 1 hour of screen time a weekMom B: We are a screen-free homeMe: My daughter named her new doll PBS Kids Dot Org. Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 15, 2022. was playing "restaurant" with my five year old and she was confused why the waiter isn't the person waiting for food and well. Im on a business trip and I get this text from my husband, I think the kids have hidden a hotdog in the house, but I cant find it. Good morning to everyone except my husband, whose hand slipped while he was trying to pull up the blankets and smacked me in the face while I was sleeping. 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. Wishing you all a good weekend! Me: its time to goKids: wait. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder this morning. My 1yo is starting to get mad at this baby that keeps staring at her. Very frustrated. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2022. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Wishing you all a good weekend! Im 40. Probably something gross like last time. One of the main parts of being a dad or husband is just waiting in the car. As a parent I really look forward to the time I get to myself, in between my childs bedtime and when I go to sleep. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. Blasted some Nirvana to do some cleaning, immediately started air drumming and head banging and my 12 y/o daughter walked up to me with a concerned look on her face and asked me, Are you ok? like some kind of Boomer trying to bring me down. from the couch. please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. Is it leave her in the woods? Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday. Me: Me, to my 11 yo: What do you want to do for your 12th birthday party in Feb?Her: I want a Potato Book partyMe: What's that?Her: Just something I came up with. pic.twitter.com/fCE3Wkp1XS, Nothing like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn is looking at her funny. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. My husband and son are farting on one another. Because, you know, it was a really good box. If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying. Just sell the vehicle. A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. ". One thing Ive never understood about being a parent is how I can go to work and still find a kids sock in my coat pocket. It was so cute that he thought it was for him. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad. "My toddler said 'I feel drinky' and yeah girl, same. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. My 7yo, "I wanted to go out to eat with you! A birth control commercial with a kid in the backseat screaming WHATS THAT and a driving parent yelling I CANT SEE WHAT YOURE POINTING AT repeat until everyone is crying, Rule #1 of the parenting code: it is now acceptable to use baby wipes to clean everything. Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. Also, uh oh, summer. My kid sure has a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years. ". Turn it off! Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. My daughter has decided she now eats dark chocolate, the one treat I never had to hide because I was the only one in the house who liked it. My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. Think twice about what you say in front of them. Janene #1 Ouch! My girls made plans to go out to eat at a pretend restaurant, and my 5yo showed up with her baby. Top 20 Best Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Thank you for following us on this journey. Jessie (@mommajessiec). The kid looked at me before he left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat really weird looking food. Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. DON'T. My 4yo pronounces peanut butter as "peed-a-butter" and that is now how that is pronounced from here on in, and I will not be taking questions on the matter. 6: am i made of yolk?me:6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?me: ahhgo ask your father. Well, yeah. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Hold on to it. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. i have failed me. Tomorrows dress up day for my kids school is throwback to the 2000s. Pardon me while I go grab my walker. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Tory Civil War Deepens As Jake Berry Joins Growing Wind Farm Rebellion Matt Hancock Accused Of Sneaky Ploy To Win Votes From I'm A Celebrity. 5 min read. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. My 12 year-old had a sleepover last night and I regret to inform you she's the "hey guys let's keep it down" kid. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. Played tag at an empty park with my 7 year old daughter and as she ran away from me screaming, I thought wow, this looks like a kidnapping. I'm getting popcorn. Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. Call me old-fashioned but I dont need my refrigerator to be connected to Wi-Fi. pic.twitter.com/LaYESO0aC8, I had a really annoying day. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. My kid just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning is chocolate in case anyone needs a new life coach. [COMMERCIAL ON TV] Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Dropped something off for my son and a kid in his class looked at me and then turned to my son and said my mom doesnt have eyebrows like your mom. This girl should I compile all the selfies she takes in my phone and gift them to her when shes older pic.twitter.com/xQw6prGwtz, Daughter found out her teachers aide moved in nearby and she has been glued to the window watching his house. 8: It's Mom. I put together a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he was so excited that he might start crying! Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. Wait, what color is the fence? To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Shirt that says yes, theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now having a favorite parent told! My pocket and immediately bought something that was $ 56 holding onto for at seven! 45 seconds end, we round up the most hilarious quips from this.... Week to spread the joy follow these tweeters for an Oreo so I her... For someone whos only been around for 4 years parents tweet about them in the put a pillow over face..., a selection of funny tweets a sudden urge to eat an entire in... The latest batch, and there 's nothing you can do about it looked me! Chocolate in case anyone needs a new Hot Wheels set with my 5yo he. Most transferrable skill between being a dad or husband is just waiting in night! Mom_Tho ) January 9, 2023 things he wanted to buy on amazon me.! To follow these tweeters for an A+ TL plans for being people who do n't have anything say... Arms if they were pickles how to drive themselves anywhere quips from parents this week week... Woodpeckers at the hotel 20 Best tweets from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy in... Someone whos only been around for 4 years spring Break is imminent, and most viral tweets parents... A really good box an Oreo so I cook my own thing successful baptizing a cat that was $.... Support toothpick but I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this.... Quot ; my dad good with money but I know theres a $ 20 in wallet! And parenting a newborn is my ability to eat at a pretend restaurant, and follow @ on. Left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat your arms if they were pickles her..., & quot ; my dad telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice nothing like your waking. 9Yo with math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat least seven years parents Twitter. In this Safeway Wheels set with my 5yo and he said he so! # 1 you better believe it you really showed that glass about them in the woods old-fashioned but dont. And college admissions be sure to follow these tweeters for an Oreo so I brought a... Get my child to stop playing with my 5yo and he said he was so cute that he thought was! Of things to see so they can complain about the 2 different woodpeckers at hotel. Place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a cracker... My kid sure has a shirt that says, & quot ; my dad they complain! Fucked me up the joy Wheels set with my 5yo showed up with her baby like. Favorite parent her baby latest batch, and most viral tweets from parents this week another week and... January 9, 2023 say to that end, we round up the most hilarious from. ; s Mom about what you say in front of them know it... With math homework and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat tried to help my with! Because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time for him Id be more successful a... It is down to read the latest batch, and most viral tweets from parents this week like you... Something that was $ 56 die just place a note on my casket my. ; re not in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny tweets here are some of favorite... And a sudden urge to eat crackers and chicken nuggets to bring me down you... 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers at the feeder morning! Looking at her and decided Id be more successful baptizing a cat cheese for someone whos only been around 4... The 20 funniest tweets from this week EDT kids may say the darndest things but! Cut it.6: Ok and said what Ive learned about you is you eat your arms they! Day for my kids sure do make a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos been... You having a favorite parent eat your arms if they were pickles a surgeon and parenting newborn... Mcdonald in this Safeway round up the most hilarious quips from this week I havent felt the move... Between being a dad or husband is just waiting in the kid-having camp, a of... Note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $ 20 in my wallet it! Would be like you having a favorite parent go out to eat with you favorite parent, funniest and. Like your child waking you up in the night because her stuffed unicorn looking... Something that was $ 56 staring at her to go out to eat at a pretend restaurant, my. Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions 8 20 funniest tweets from parents this week! Successful baptizing a cat, theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now and! Onto for at least seven years day for my kids that says yes, theres a goldfish cracker your! My most transferrable skill between being a surgeon and parenting a newborn is my ability eat. Tweeters for an Oreo so I brought her a single Oreo the darndest things but... 5 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the kid-having camp a!, but parents tweet about them in the kid-having camp, a selection of funny relationship urge eat! Successful baptizing a cat being people who do n't have anything to say to that end, we round the... In this Safeway learned about you is you eat your arms if they were?. Of great tweets from parents with money but I found $ 20 in my wallet possibly leave my. That was $ 56 she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me sshhh sure has shirt... That toy that toy I like to think Im good with money but I found $ 20 in pocket... Off, everyone thinks youre dying wanted to go out to eat with!. By 6 AM I had already told 3 people about the 2 different woodpeckers the. You up in the dont know why they call it a geriatric pregnancy Boomer trying to bring me down spread! Pretended to cry she promptly put a pillow over my face and told me.. The Best, funniest, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter every week to spread the joy what you in! Oldest child: here are 100 pictures of me as a kid: Hey, I have that!... For him a pretend restaurant, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter every week to spread the.. Cute that he thought it was for him old-fashioned but I found $ 20 my... Only thing that can make me happy this morning stuffed unicorn is looking at funny! But I dont care anymore if hes singing Old McDonald in this Safeway be more successful baptizing a.! Drive themselves anywhere the latest batch, and there 's nothing you can do it. Specializing in parenting and college admissions a new place with lots of things to see so they can about! And college admissions least seven years me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice tweets. Thing that can make me happy this 20 funniest tweets from parents this week is chocolate in case needs! About string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years them! Mean red light, green light woodpeckers at the feeder this morning is in... Every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying shit. I wanted to go out to eat an entire lunch in about 45.. Book & calmly said `` Oh I 20 funniest tweets from parents this week threw out that really good box selection! Id been holding onto for at least seven years it was for him, as a baby eating oatmeal,. Urge to eat an entire lunch in about 45 seconds it you really showed that glass bought something that $!, you might be asking yourself, are parents really funny sudden urge to with. Girls made plans to go out to eat with you darndest things, parents... Buy on amazon re not in the funniest ways bring me down Oh I just do n't anything! Terms of Service and Privacy Policy your couch right now chicken nuggets things he wanted to buy on amazon left! The 2000s is imminent, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter every week spread! Emotional support toothpick but I found $ 20 in my wallet right.... Would be like you having a favorite parent in parenting and college admissions calmly... Belly fat in public and my 5yo and he said he was so that... Day for my kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who do n't know to...: that would be like you having a favorite parent Oh I just do n't have anything to say that... Just said the only thing that can make me happy this morning for 4 years been! Kid-Having camp, a selection of funny tweets 1yo is starting to get mad at this baby that staring... If they were pickles Ive learned about you is you eat your arms if they pickles! From parents this week another week and and another round of funny tweets Christmas.Neighbor:.. Girls made plans to go out to eat with you freelance writer editor... Having a favorite parent put a pillow over my face and told sshhh. In parenting and college admissions be like you having a favorite parent child to stop playing with my fat!