Some of the links in this post may be affiliate links. Everybody loves a good pun, right? We’ve got you covered…eval(ez_write_tag([[300,250],'keepinspiring_me-medrectangle-3','ezslot_2',182,'0','0'])); We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Their clothes (hides) are removed, sold and make other expensive items. Setting fire to a cemetery is an act of tomb fuellery. He’s lucky it was a soft drink.
And to the C students, I say you, too, can be president of the United States.”, “Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.”, “A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”, “Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”, “Here’s to our wives and girlfriends…may they never meet!”, “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”, “I was married by a judge.
Well, she’s in for a shock. . Because she stole a kilt and plaid guilty. This will really come in handy when I’m doing my geome-tree homework. Due to their cemetery lifestyle. Or should that be worst? Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie and his dog Oban. The ruler.
Don’t touch my elbow. Abby who? It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”, “When I eventually met Mr. We spend so much time worrying about how the future is going to play out and not nearly enough time admiring the precious perfection of the present.”, “A man doesn’t know what he knows until he knows what he doesn’t know.”, “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.”, “If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”, “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”, “The road to success is always under construction.”, “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. To get to the second-hand shop. I Scream Cake. If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor. The best part of a pun is that they're not exactly funny at first. My girlfriend says I’m hopeless at fixing appliances. She didn’t do Windows. Why was the geometry class always tired?
If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”, “The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”, “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”, “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”, “Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”, “The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.”, “The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.”, “The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”, “True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”, “A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
We’ve got you covered… We’ve compiled the largest list of funny quotes to make you laugh out loud. Drool. How did computers buy a new car? Because they were all out of shape.
Just like everyone else.”, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. You made my day! It is already tomorrow in Australia.”, “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”, “Political correctness is tyranny with manners.”, “High heels were invented by a woman who had been kissed on the forehead.”, “If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”, “When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President.
Thanks! And sometimes you go out shopping and there’s nothing you like. I realize I should spend much less time watching the news, and more time laughing. Better send the Will to get some fresh prints. these quotes are awesome, thanks for collecting them all. They try to kill and eat you. We’re rarely aware of the bullets we dodge. They’re here to replace us.”, “Crocodiles are easy. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in colleges. I’m beginning to believe it.”, “They say marriages are made in Heaven. • For scrapbooking and party invitations. Very nice collections of quotes I liked it very much so thanks for sharing very positive motivational quotes and keep posting. 1. What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy? Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He logged on. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.”, “If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.”, “I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.”, “The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.”, “All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.”, “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”, “Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”, “We’re all a little weird. Why did IBM and Apple computers get a divorce? Fortunately, I love money.”, “Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”, “When we talk to God, we’re praying. As soon as you use one, you may be met by eye rolls and groans. Good. '”, “My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. It is very interesting and helpful quotes and I think these are life changing quotes.
Or should I say, a punderful pun?
So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.”, “The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.”, “When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.”, “As you get older three things happen. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”, “I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.”, “Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.”, “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.”, “Inside me there’s a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.”, “We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”, “As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”, “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.”, “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.”, “He who laughs last didn’t get the joke.”, “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”, “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. Do it and I’ll have you charged with arm rubbery.
Knock, knock.
Mark Twain.
Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. These poems are guarenteed to make you laugh due to their silly but hilarious use of english language. But so is thunder and lightning.”, “A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. Why was school easier for cave people?
There once was a man from Peru. They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”, “God is at home, it’s we who have gone out for a walk.”, “In the past 10,000 years, humans have devised roughly 100,000 religions based on roughly 2,500 gods. • For what to say in person and many more opportunities when the right words matter. This cup is expensive!
Thank you so much. Snore and you sleep alone. If you're also a lover of puns, then you're in for a real treat.
All Rights Reserved. He won’t expect it back.”, “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”, “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.”, “I can resist everything except temptation.”, “I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable.
“How much of this resume is actually a lie?”.
What do you call 8 hobbits? THANK U FOR UR QUOTE WHICH IS VERY INSPIRING.
Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”, “A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Serves him right. Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes? Hey, Thanks for this post. A site designed to inspire you to grow, achieve success, stay well, and live an abundant life. Perhaps yours is watching television.”, “The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. What’s the best way to get by in the computer class? Very few people die past that age.”, “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”, “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”, “I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”, “If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”, “May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.”, “Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”, “One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.”, “To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say well done. I’m barely for me.”, “Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.”, “Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
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