I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I’m too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I will fly in helos into the eye of the storm to rescue people dumber then rocks, and then be heckled by the same people when I bust them for transporting drugs two months later.! So Help Me Neptune! I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my newfound "colleagues." I vow to hone my coffee cup-handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike-riding test as a valid form of exercise. I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...Why not?". On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early everyday. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. I will come in contact with so many pollutants during my tenure, I will glow in the dark for the rest of my natural life and refer to myself as "salty" because of it. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise. I will perfect avoiding PT at all costs, and do my best to attend training that will give me a great competitive edge in the career field of my choice, making retention efforts of the Coast Guard pointless. I, Zoomie, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the Marines frighten me. Here is a list of funny and sarcastic reasons to stay in the military. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact. So help me Mr. Wannabee. The oath of enlistment is administered by any commissioned officer to any person enlisting or re-enlisting for a term of service into any branch of the military. So help me Neptune. After completion of "Basic Training", I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, Lazy-Boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Chair-borne Ranger. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. So Help Me Chesty PULLER! After completion of my snicker “Basic Training,” I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I, state your name, swear… uuhhhh… high-and-tight… (grunt) cammies… uhh… ugh… Air Force women… OORAH! ", ______________________Signature______________________Date, US MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT"I, (pick a name the police won't recognize), swear..uhhhh....high-and-tight.... grunt... cammies....kill....fix bayonets....charge....slash....dig....burn....blowup....ugh...Air Force women....beer.....sailors wives.....air strikes....yes SIR!....whiskey....liberty call....salute....Ooorah Gunny....grenades...women....OORAH! I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, geedunk, scuttlebutt, scuttle and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, candy, water fountain, hole in wall and toilet." I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will see is a court-martial for sexual harassment. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back. StrategyWorld.com, StrategyPage.com, FYEO, For Your Eyes Only and Al Nofi's CIC are all trademarks of StrategyWorld.comPrivacy Policy. I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that. So Help Me God! I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow. I will arrive to work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave everyday at 1300 to report back to "COMPANY." ___________________________________________ Thumb Print. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor Man during summer,! So help me Mr. Wannabee. Signature:__________________ Date:_______________ U.S. I will use most of my time in the Coast Guard to take college classes, and perfect my web surfing abilities, then complain that I work too much. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. on separation, and will end up working construction with my friends from high school. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I will prevent thousands of gallons of pollution, but be accused of impeding the economy when I won't allow vessels to pour oil into the ocean. I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too “corporate,” and because I thought, “hey, I like to swim…why not?” I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. I will be the red-headed step child to all of the other services, although I know I got the better deal. using words like “deck, bulkhead, cover, and head” instead of “floor, wall, hat, and toilet.” I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. "I, (State your name), swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army, because the Marines frighten me, and because I am afraid of water over waist-deep. I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank, and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job up! So Help Me God! All of my equipment will be discarded Navy property. I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can’t figure out how to use blousing straps. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the "COMPANY." A video of an Air National Guard master sergeant reciting her oath of re-enlistment while using a dinosaur hand puppet has drawn a rebuke from a three-star general. After completion of my Sexual.....er.....I mean "Basic Training," I will attend a different Army school every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished.
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